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The Heartsink Patient

dbfrontThe Heartsink Patient

As I sat in my consulting room waiting for the nurse to fetch notes from Dr Braver’s room, I heard a light tap on my door but no one entered when I said, “Come in.” I walked to the door and as I opened, the auxiliary nurse had been struggling to open the door with one hand whilst the other hand supported the huge sets of notes to her chest. I helped her with the door as I wondered why, after a long period when I virtually did nothing, I now had to see so many patients within the remaining period and the clinic would be ending shortly.

Dr Braver has had to leave. I think it might be his wife that phoned him as he seemed to be in a hurry when he left. You know what he’s like when Mrs Braver phones. Sounded like he was taking her to the hair dresser.”

“So, he wants me to see all of these this morning? Tough.”

“Yes. He said you should make sure you see all the patients and phone him with every case that you saw.” The auxiliary nurse said, as she carefully placed the notes on the floor close to my desk.

“This must be a joke!” I exclaimed, “Never mind. Hopefully he would return to the clinic.”

“I doubt very much.” She said, as she prepared to call the first of the patients into my consulting room.

My heart sank as the auxiliary nurse ushered in the patient. I had seen her before and I felt like telling her to rebook on another day to see the boss himself. She was a patient that never smiled. She looked thinner than she did the last time that I saw her and the look on her face today was that of the devil just woken. But that wasn’t the reason why my heart sank. The first time I saw her was on the ward when she was admitted for investigation of her abdominal pain. Dr Braver had recommended an exploratory laparotomy to her. But she declined. That did not surprise me after reading her case history. The first operation that she had was laparoscopic appendicectomy, the removal of the appendix through the keyhole method. Prior to having the operation, she had been complaining of pain in the lower part of her tummy. Dr Braver told her that she had a grumbling appendix and that her pain would settle after he had removed the appendix. She suffered an injury to her large bowel which resulted in having a colostomy. On her insistence, Dr Braver took her back to theatre to rejoin the bowels after three weeks. The joined bowels broke down and Dr Braver yet again took her back to theatre to have the colostomy restored. The restored stoma broke down and she had to undergo further surgery. After four weeks Dr Braver had planned to close her colostomy but she developed a deep vein thrombosis. Now her legs were permanently swollen. She was still complaining of abdominal pain. She was as thin as bone and smoked like a chimney.

“Oh he is not here today!” she said, as she settled down in the chair in front of me.

“Im sorry, Dr Braver has had to go to attend to an emergency,” I said, seeing the disappointment on her face. Normally, patient like her would be seen by the consultant as they usually were too complex for the junior doctor and were not satisfied.

“How come no one had told me?” She shouted. And after coughing several times, her chest still rattling, she said, “And I have sat down there for two hours waiting to see the consultant!”

“I am sorry.” I said, with empathy.

I didn’t know what else to say. She was right. Someone should have told her she was not going to see Dr Braver. At least, it would have been up to her to decide if she would like to see me. It made me wonder how many patients waiting out there were hoping to see the consultant.

“Not your fault, I guess,” she said, as she stared uncomfortably into my eyes.

“So how can I help you today?” I asked, unsure of her reason for her attendance. According to Dr Braver’s last letter to her GP, he had discharged her from his clinic. But she was now back and I could not find her new referral letter. It was probably in Dr Braver’s folder. He usually kept such letters in a special folder.

“You can’t help me. Look at the mess he had made on my tummy.” She got up and lifted her shirt to show me several scars on her abdomen.

“I see.” I said.

But I didn’t think that was the reason she had come back to see him. I waited expectantly to hear what more she was going to say.

“My pain has got worse. It’s tummy pain day in day out. I can’t eat. Look at me. I am now a walking skeleton.” She said, tears streaming out of her deep orbits.

“You said you can’t eat. What happens when you try to eat?” I asked.

“I have a good appetite but I daren’t put anything in my mouth.” She replied.

“Why?” I asked and screwed my eye.

“You are asking me, why? Have you not been listening. Or are you too telling me I am mad?” She shouted.

“Who said you were mad?” I asked softly.

Him. The God himself. Luckily he is not here today. I would have shown him that I am truly a mad woman.”

“That sounds serious.” I cleared my throat and paused to regain my composure. “What about if I  asked you to tell me more about how eating affects your stomach pain?”

She coughed again and almost choked as she replied, “When the food gets to my stomach I start with severe pain and this can go on for several hours. I am sweaty and feeling faint. The pain is so severe. It’s murder. I just can’t face food any more. Sometimes I thought it was better to die than live like this, because this is no life.”

After further questioning, I suspected that this woman had Mesenteric angina caused by some narrowing in the arteries of the bowels. This condition is common in long term heavy cigarette smokers. Patients with this condition have severe pain in their abdomen after eating. This is because, after eating, there is not enough blood flow to the bowels due to the narrowing of the arteries. I told her to lie down on the examination couch. And when I placed the bell of my stethoscope on the top part of her abdomen, I heard a loud bruit. I became more convinced of my diagnosis, but still needed to confirm it.
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I wasn’t sure if that was the problem with this woman. But I thought it would be prudent to rule it out. Nevertheless, I was careful not to raise her hope, knowing that Dr Braver could disagree with me, particularly, since that would make him feel less knowledgeable should that be the diagnosis. And of course, he could override my decision.

“So, what are you going to do?” She asked, now almost pleading.

“I am just thinking. I’m not sure. I just wondered if we should rule out a condition that can sometimes cause this kind of pain. But that would mean having to undergo further tests.”

“I don’t care what tests you do as long as you find out what the problem is. Nothing can be worse than the pain I have been having.” Her face became less narrow, showing a glimpse of hope.

“Okay then. I just need to nip to the X-ray department to chat with the radiologist.” I said.

The woman needed to have a special scan to diagnose the problem. I had to do this before Dr Braver got to know. I knew I was taking a risk. If the scan turned out to be negative it would be real trouble. But if the diagnosis was confirmed it would be a relief for everyone although he would still criticise me for taking the liberty to organise an MRI scan without first discussing with him.

In the twinkle of an eye I had arrived in the X-ray department. I was glad that Dr Grayson was the duty radiologist. Unlike his colleagues, he was approachable and knew a great deal of clinical medicine. Having initially trained as a surgeon before becoming a radiologist, he was always very helpful when surgeons needed radiological input. Dr Grayson agreed with my suspicion. Fortunately, there was a cancellation and he was willing to perform the procedure that afternoon if the patient was prepared.

I raced back to the OPD, relieved that I was able to organise an MRI Angiogram within a few minutes, something that would normally take several weeks to arrange.

“You will be having your scan this afternoon madam.” I said, with a beam of smile.

“Oh thank you, doctor. Thank you. You are God sent.” She jumped up. Suddenly, her strength returned from nowhere. And for the first time after many months, she smiled as she hoped to see a way out of her predicament.

“I am not promising. And I’m not even sure if we will find anything. But I believe it’s worth a try.”

“As I said, I will try anything.” She said.

“Now, you better go and get yourself ready before Dr Grayson changes his mind.”

“Thank you again, Doctor.” She said, as she shut the door behind her.

Just before I called the next patient, there was a tap on the door. I thought the woman had come back to decline the MRI scan.

“What have you done to that woman?” Sister Bamforth asked, as she pushed through the door.

“Which woman?” I puzzled.

“The patient that you’ve sent to the X-ray department. She was singing your praises as the nurse took her to the department.”

“Oh God. I hope I have not raised her hope too highly.”

“I don’t think it mattered to her. And I don’t think anyone can stop her either.” She said.

“Oh well, I wish her good luck.” I said, trying to stop the discussion going further. I really didn’t have time for further gossips.

“You know the problem you have now got, doctor?”

“What?” I asked.

“The patients are now changing their mind. Many of them were trying to rebook their appointment. But they are now waiting to see you. That means, a long clinic.” She replied.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” I tried to draw the discussion to an end.

“Sure.” She said, as she swiftly walked out of the room.

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What not to say to your patient

dbfrontI wasn’t looking forward to this day though I was brought up to take each day as it comes. My mother used to say, “No day is bad, it all depends on what you make of it.” Even if it was a difficult day, she would say, “But calmness comes after the storm.” Sometimes I struggled with this philosophy that mother had tried to implant in me. More so today, another theatre day.

The mother of the boy with complicated circumcision had waited for us on the ward. And as we arrived, she looked like she was going to burst. I took my place behind Dr Braver but he was too small to shield me. I prayed that he handled this issue sensitively. Getting it wrong would lead to real trouble that afternoon.

“So what have you got to tell me, Sir?” The boy’s mother asked.

“Not a lot. Have you heard what happened?” Dr Braver asked.

“You tell me. You are the doctor,” she replied, her eyeballs now looking too big for the orbit.

“O.K. then,” he said, after clearing his throat, “Well, there was a small injury to the willy and I have repaired it.”

“Thank God,” I said to myself, “At least this time he didn’t blame it on his registrar.”

“You have repaired it. Is that all you can tell me?” She screamed, “Do you know what you’ve done to this poor boy? You’ve ruined his life!”

“Actually I didn’t cause the injury. He had balanitis which made the foreskin to be adherent to the tip of his willy and when I tried to separate it a small part of the tip came off. But I have repaired it,” Dr Braver replied, with a low voice.

“If you had done it properly this would not have happened,” she said, with her hands gripping her waist.

“Who told you that I didn’t do the operation properly?” He thundered.

“The people who were with you in the theatre. That’s what everybody has been saying,” she said, now looking like a boxer waiting for the bell to ring for a fight.

“What!” He screamed, and stared at me as if to ask if I was party to the gossips.

Thank God, I didn’t stay behind after the list. I was pretty certain I had not discussed any patient with anybody. But of course, he should know by now that people would always discuss issues of interest. I wouldn’t have thought that someone would directly inform the patient’s mother about the details of the incident. Besides, it was against the hospital policy and any member of staff who had done that would be in real trouble.

“That’s it, isn’t it? You’ve butchered my son!” She screamed, “I will complain to the hospital authority.”
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“O.K. I’ve heard you. I have not butchered your son. I have repaired the affected area and expected everything to be fine. But of course, you have the right to complain. And you may do so. As for the person or persons who have instigated you by providing wrong information, they will have themselves to blame. Good day,” he said and stormed out of the ward.

I had anticipated this when I saw the woman. She looked like a no nonsense person and I had no doubt in my mind she would stir real trouble for the department. Meanwhile, I tried not to get involved and walked out quickly before she or any of the nurses had chance to ask me questions.

I sank myself in one of the chairs in the doctors’ room. I needed a bit of time to myself. As I pondered over all the procedures that we had carried out that day, my bleep went off. I almost dropped the bleep when I saw that the number that appeared on it was Dr Braver’s office. At first, I wanted to ignore it. After all, it was the end of the day and I could pretend to have left the hospital. But I knew, of course, that if Dr Braver wanted me he could phone me at home or wherever I might be and whatever the time might be.

As they say, “If you stand up to your demons they would not overcome you.” I dialled the number with a trembling hand, hoping that no one would pick it. My heart stopped completely when he picked the phone. His voice was unmistakable.

“Doctor,” he commanded, “Leave whatever you are doing and get yourself here straightaway.”

“Yes, Dr Braver,” I replied, my heart now out of my body.

“This sounds serious,” I said to myself. But then, he always sounded serious whenever he called. However, it was unusual for him to call me directly. Normally, he would tell his secretary to make the call or leave instructions with her. Had he known that I was going out with Anna? Or that his wife fancied me? Did he really think that I was the person who told the boy’s mother about the injury? I battled with these thoughts as I raced to his office.

“Yes, Dr Braver?” I said, my arm pit dripping with sweat.

“Tell me. Who told that idiot that I did not do the circumcision in the normal way?”

“The idiot?” I asked, pretending not to know that he was referring to the boy’s mother.

“Yes, the boy’s mother,” he said, his voice stronger.

“I did not discuss with anyone. Besides, I don’t believe in discussing things that go on in the theatre. That is not my problem.”

He took a long look at me as he struck his lips lightly with his gold pen. And then he broke the silence. “Shall we make a deal?”

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My Head Nearly Exploded

dbfrontAs I wondered about going to her, my bleep went off. I almost dropped the bleep when I saw that the number that appeared on it was Dr Braver’s office. At first, I thought of ignoring it. After all, it was the end of the day and I could pretend to have left the hospital. But I knew, of course, that if Dr Braver wanted me he could phone me at home or wherever I might be and whatever the time might be. I remembered what my mother used to tell me, “If you stand up to your demons they would not overcome you.”

I dialled the number with trembling hand, hoping that no one would pick it. My heart stopped completely when he picked the phone. His voice was unmistakable.

Doctor,” he commanded, “Leave whatever you are doing and get yourself here straightaway.”

“Yes, Dr Braver,” I replied, my heart now out of my body.

“This sounds serious,” I said to myself. But then, he always sounded serious whenever he called. Did he really believe that I was party to the gossips about the incident in the theatre today? Has he found out that I am dating his secretary or his wife fancies me? I battled with these thoughts as I raced to his office.

“Yes, Dr Braver?” I said, my armpit dripping with sweat.

“Tell me. Who told that idiot that I snipped the tip of her son’s willy when did his circumcision?”

“The idiot?” I asked, pretending not to know that he was referring to the boy’s mother.

“Yes, the boy’s mother,” he said, his voice stronger.

“I did not discuss with anyone. Besides, I don’t believe in discussing things that go on in the theatre. That is not my problem.”

“Alright then,” he said, as he pulled out a document, an A4 paper, from the printer, “Something for you to sign.”

“So, you want me to sign this paper?”
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“Exactly,” he said, smiling sarcastically.

“And if I don’t?”

“Your registration will cease.”

“So you want me to lie so you can recommend me to the GMC for continuation of my registration?”

“That’s the score, son,” he said, as he lit his pipe.

I felt like an elephant sat on my heart as I left Dr Braver’s office. I had had people say someone made them sign documents under duress. It happened daily in my country. Police would force people to sign fictitious document or to confess to what they did not do or face torture. Soldiers would force people to sign wrong documents at gunpoint. As for me, I had never experienced this. And I had always said that no one would make me sign any document that I didn’t want to sign. I often boasted to my friends whenever the issue came up, that I had the body of a heavy weight boxer and it would take several police officers to pin me down. They would have to shoot me before they would be able to compel me to do any wrong. But I guess, Dr Braver knew his career and credibility were on line. It would probably be less serious if he put the blame on his African registrar. But where would my own credibility lie in a world where nothing good seemed to come out of Africa? Whatever my belief, I thought, I was in a no win situation.

I needed to speak to someone. But whom would I trust? All of a sudden, I began to feel lonely. I wished I were back home. There, I would not run short of advisers, and good ones too. But here, I found it hard to trust any one. Still, I knew I had to talk to someone before my head exploded. The first person that came to my mind was Anna. I knew she was a straightforward person and she claimed to love me. But I felt guilty because despite all the fun I had with her, I still found it difficult to trust her. I wasn’t convinced that she did not have or had not had an affair with Dr Braver. May be I was being jealous, I wasn’t too sure.

I couldn’t get these thoughts out of my head as I walked back to my flat. Then I remembered my mother. When all else failed I could always count on her advice. An intelligent and forthright woman. I knew I could count on my mother’s advice. Probably the only one I could trust to give me an honest advice. My problem was, my mother was not medical. She would be unlikely to understand medical ethics and law. But one thing I knew was that she would not fault on common sense and would provide a balanced view.

Nevertheless, the thought of involving my mother frightened me. I did not want to cause panic at home. Since my father died I had become the provider for my mother and my siblings. If I told my mother that my boss had threatened to stop me from working if I didn’t sign the document, she would probably fly to the British High Commission to protest. But that was my mother. Even now in her eighties, she was a formidable woman. Tough and fearless. In the end, I decided to keep her out of the problem. I should be able to handle it myself as a matured man, I thought.

I had planned to go to the gymn after work. But I really no more felt like going out that evening. All I wanted was a large bowl of rice and peas and a can of lager. Whilst it was good to deal with a problem straightaway, there were times, I thought, when you would allow events to unravel naturally and every aspect of it would call for specific ways of resolving it. My conscience was clear. I had not done anything wrongly. And if Dr Braver decided to lay blames on me I would strongly defend myself.

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Hippocrates’ Great Grandson

dbfrontI accepted the invitation to visit the Bravers with mixed feelings. On one hand, I could not imagine that a person who I perceived to hate me so much could invite me for a meal. I thought he was looking for an opportunity to humiliate me. He had done that in the front of patients, nurses, his secretary and medical staff. Now, he needed to ridicule me before his family. My other mind was telling me to give him a chance. Maybe he had a different side to his character. A normal aspect outside of work. Other doctors and nurses had been talking about the Bravers’ party for days, all the people that I mentioned it to indicated they would attend.

The Bravers’ residence was an isolated bungalow in the remote part of the county. The bungalow was spectacularly rebuilt from two large farm houses that had been knocked into one. Situated conspicuously on an elevation in a four-acre land it enjoyed a magnificent view of the Dales.

Many guests had arrived by the time the taxi was able find the way to the house that seemed at first to be in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t feel at ease to go in. I stood on the front corridor hoping that someone would pop outside to have a smoke or something or a late arrival could arrive and we could go in together. There was a lot of talking and giggling going on as well as bottles and glasses making noise as they served the drinks.

Both women giggled. Just then, the whole place went dead silent. Dr Braver stood in front of the guests, now holding a large bottle of Vodka in one hand.

“Can I have everybody’s attention?” He sipped from the bottle. “Thank you for coming to this great place. Capital of the whole world. I know you have been drinking and chatting. Do feel free to wander around the Bravers’ Castle. There is a lot to see. In a moment, I shall take you to see my neighbours! Then we shall all return for our meal. Tonight, we will be having Chinese take away. You know, Jezzie can’t cook. But she’s made a good effort to get us excellent meal from the Chinese restaurant in town.

“Neighbours? I didn’t realise you have neighbours,” I asked Jezzie, as the house looked to me to be the only one in the four-acre land.

It is important therefore, to know and follow the rules carefully and enjoy order levitra online the benefits of the pill. If you want sildenafil 100mg viagra faster – the success of treatment, creating a chart to track your progress in reducing these behaviors and to work hard. These male enhancement cialis without prescription overnight supplements include natural ingredients such as Bioperine, Damiana, Epimedium Leaf Extract, Gingko Leaf, Asian Red Ginseng, Hawthorn Berry, Saw Palmetto, Muira Puama Bark Extract and Catuaba Bark Extract. An ISD lowest prices for sildenafil could be measured either a primary or a secondary state. Jezzie laughed. “Don’t mind my husband,” she replied, “He is trying to be funny. I think he should learn from you how to make people laugh. His neighbours are his animals downstairs in the cellar. He probably spends more time with them than with me. And you can’t get him out of there when it gets to his head.”

“Oh I see,” I said, wondering if that was where he was the night I was trying to phone him concerning his patient who had complications after his bowel surgery.

“Before you meet my neighbours, I guess you would like to have a tour of the Castle.” He took a large sip from his bottle of Vodka. “You see, people often wonder why we have such a huge estate. Well, when the wife misbehaves there are many rooms to hide away. Then, of course, the big garden and large conservatory are there for me to chase Jezzie around. We all trooped behind him holding our drinks as he proudly showed us round his castle. Right at the end of the main corridor was a statute that I didn’t recognise until I saw the elegant inscription, Hippocrates, the father of medicine.

“This is my great grand father,” he announced. “I can see the puzzle on your faces. Not in the literal sense. I mean, my professional father.”

And everybody laughed. Of course, I laughed too. But not for the same reason that the other people laughed. If he was the great grand son of Hippocrates, he sure missed out on the genes of this very respectable medical ancestor. The very founder of medical ethics. Primum non nocere!

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Men Are Wimps!

divinehopeMrs. Pearson had finished her shower and had got into her pyjamas when Angela got back home.

“Have you heard from Mark?” Her mother was direct. Angela had been hoping that it would be a brief check on her mother and a quick good night kiss. Her heart quickened as her brain struggled to find the right answer. In the end, she decided to be truthful. That was how she had brought her up. To tell the truth without mincing words.

“I phoned him just before coming here.”

“And?”

“Didn’t talk much. Only told him that I’m having my operation in the morning.”

“And what did he think?”

“Don’t know.” Angela scratched her head and stared into the blank. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“I’m sure he’s scared.” Her mother tried to make her understand.

“But he’s not acting like a man. Not a brave one anyway.” She brushed her hair backwards with her hand. “You see, Mama, when I got married to Mark I thought I got married to a real man. One with a heart big enough to harbour all my troubles and heavy shoulders to carry my burden. But sadly, all I’ve got now is a wimpish lamb.”

“Your husband loves you…”

“How can you say that after what he’s done?”

Her mother smiled and shook her head. “I know he loves you and I can assure you that he’s probably somewhere out there among his mates drinking his life out.”
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“If he loved me he wouldn’t do that. You don’t hurt the person that you love,” she retorted.

“Sometimes your treasured possession has a stain but you still treasure it anyway. That’s exactly what love is. It is unconditional.”

“That’s my point. If he loved me it should be unconditional. That’s the point I am making. He doesn’t love the children either.”

“Don’t say things like that. Of course he loves you all. Think of the times that you have shared together. If you count the number of breeze and storms in your relationship as a family, it would surprise you how much love you have for one another.”

“Mama, I can’t believe that you’re supporting Mark’s reckless behaviour.”

“I am not supporting the way he has acted. Of course not.” She put her arm over her daughter’s shoulder. “But darling you are not living in the real world. Everything cannot be perfect. And don’t expect people to reason or behave in your own way. Sometimes someone that we love can disappoint us. Call them stupid, insensitive, lazy, or whatever. You see, people are different, but love is the same.”

Angela’s heart started to melt as she listened to her mother. She could now see the point her mother was making and she didn’t want to argue anymore. She lay down beside her mother and listened to her like a baby listening to her mother read a bedside storybook. She knew that her mother was always objective in her appraisal of things and she was always practical. Angela always counted herself lucky for having a mother like her.

“I don’t want you to be too disturbed. You see, it may look to you like he doesn’t care. I am sure he does. And he loves you. But he is a man. That’s the problem.”

“I don’t understand that, Ma’am.” Angela’s eyes opened like an oyster.

Her mother cleared her throat. “You see, men are not as tough as they look. You go to the labour room and look at the faces of those husbands when their wives are having babies. If God was to change his mind and make men have babies, the midwives would have no jobs.” Both women laughed hysterically. “That, my dear, is what men are. Wimps.” She mopped the tears from the corner of Angela’s eyes.

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Ode to my Father

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High Chief Simeon Omoyoju Ikuenogbon

The Agbidi of Apoiland

Into the Gbaijo clan you were born.
Son of the great Agbidi,
Son of Ijaye,
Son of Ikuenogbon.

Into that tiny island you were born,
On the bank of River Oluwa,
A tributary of the Niger,
Little village with great people.

You were called to serve your people,
And that you did very well.
Love, peace and harmony you preached.
Honesty and unity you gave to your people.

You taught me to honour my seniors and respect my juniors.
I did and it has worked.

You taught me to put my best ability into everything that I do.
I did and it has worked.

You taught me to believe in myself and never feel inferior to anyone.
I did and it has worked.

You taught me to make peace wherever I go.
I did and it has worked.

In my work for viagra buy online VHAC and in my articles. This drug bears the potential to accomplish the need of men in viagra australia cost bed. The low libido mainly affects the women’s mental condition in such a way cheapest cialis uk that it makes them feels distressed and they started losing their self-esteem. While a survey may be able to help diagnose a patient, surveys are limited in gathering knowledge about viagra for sale cheap a patient. You taught me to love my family.
I did and it has worked.

You taught me to put God first in everything that I do.
I did and it has worked.

You taught me to uphold the principles of integrity, culture and industry.
I did and it has worked.

You taught me to give generously and share God’s blessings with people.
I obeyed and it has worked.

You taught me to endure every situation and not to give up.
I did and it has worked.

Baba Agbidi, I give you my Oshunshun
Omo Agbidi
Omo Ijaye
Omo Ikuenogbon
Omo Gbabijo lokele
E ma yanmo Gbabijo je
Eni yanmo Gbabijo je on fe wahala
Alagbara okunrin
Ogbon inu
Onisuru ti nfunyon kiniun

My beloved father

 Rest in God’s own perfect peace

Don’t Give Up

divinehopeDon’t Give Up

There was a tap on the door. Gail’s heart missed several beats as she woke up.

“Hello, my pussy cat!” Rosie turned the lock with her elbow and walked into Gail’s room carrying two plates in her hands.

“Hello Rosie.” Gail checked her wristwatch and the time was 12.30 PM. “I can’t believe how far the day had gone.”

“You know what they say. Don’t you?” Rosie gently moved the Joy magazine and other books from the table and placed the bowls she was carrying. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

“I wished I was.” Gail carefully took off the lid of the brown bowl containing boiled cod and steamed vegetables.

“Oh you need these first.” Rosie handed the plastic cup containing the morning doses of her medication to her. She had thought that those were her afternoon medicine but having been a nurse for many years she realised that it was not yet time to serve the afternoon medicine. And then in a soft and motherly yet professional manner she asked, “You want to talk?”

Gail smiled. “There’s nothing to talk about. Thanks.”

Rosie raised one eyebrow and looked straight into Gail’s eyes seeing far beyond the smiles and probing into that part of her heart where so much hurts and disappointment resided. She knew that those smiles were not smiles at all. They were fear, torture, anguish and disappointment.

“You know I’ve got a listening ear and thank God my shoulders have not crumbled with arthritis.” Rosie jammed the door and sat close to her.

“I’m fine.”

“Not with all these.” Rosie insisted, pointing at the plastic cup containing the tablets.

“I just forgot and dosed off.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.” She looked down and when she raised her head she didn’t have to say anything. Rosie knew that she was only trying to be brave. She offered her a piece of soft tissue.

“Listen to me Gail. I know you don’t want to talk about it. But if there’s anything I can do for you do let me know.”

Gail nodded like a toddler.

Rosie filled her jug with sterilised chilled water and as she cleared the rest of the stuff on the table she found the menu card that Gail had scribbled on. She picked it thinking that she had filled in what she was having for supper. And when she turned it she could not resist reading what she had scribbled on it.

“Oh Gail!” She placed her arm gently over her shoulder.

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“Since when have you known about it?”

“Doctors told me yesterday although I had kind of suspected things might go that way. Only I was hoping that … Oh God!” She sobbed and was visibly shaking.

Rosie held her like a child and wiped her tears. When she looked at the other side of the table she found the plates on the floor containing her breakfast. The toast and scrambled eggs with baked beans had not been touched and Rosie sensed that she had not eaten since morning.

“I want you to listen carefully,” she said, carefully choosing her words. “When bad things happen to us the first thing we do is to take the easy options. Those easy options are not many. They are only two. Just two.”

Gail looked at her expectantly, her eyes swollen and red. She scratched her head as she allowed herself to lean on her.

“The first thing we do is to blame someone and the second is to blame yourself. It’s very easy because it makes us feel good. We blame ourselves for things that we have done that we shouldn’t have done or those that we should have done but haven’t done. Regrets here and there.”

Gail nodded. She could identify with that. She had expressed regrets on a number of occasions for not having her operation at the military hospital. She knew of several colleagues who had had keyhole operations at their base. Everything had been uneventful.

“You see, no matter how much you blame yourself or someone else it won’t change things. You probably knew that already. You’ve been here now for …”

“Three months.” Gail added.

“That’s right. You can’t keep blaming yourself or people and denying yourself of nutrition and medication. Things can only get worse by so doing.”

“But where’s the hope? Rosie, my life is fading away. There’s nothing left.”

“Don’t be silly. You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you and you deserve to have it. But you’ve got to be strong. I know that you will find a donor. Just be patient.”

Gail blew her nose and smiled. And suddenly she could sense her strength coming back.

“Now.” Rosie offered her the plastic cup containing her tablets and filled a glass with water.

“Thanks.” Gail gobbled down her tablets.

“That’s is it. That’s what you must do. Don’t give up my girl. You’ve got to fight.”

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Another Day in Hell

dbfrontAnother Day in Hell

I am one of those people who always look up to each day afresh. I never allowed events of previous days to bog me down. I believe that every day is pregnant with its own events and you can never tell what the day would deliver. For the first time in my life, I woke up feeling apprehensive about today. I had hardly had any sleep in the night but that was not the reason I felt the way I felt. Being up all night when on call was nothing new to me. It was part of surgical training. I was not grumbling about that.

I woke up regretting bringing my issue of the Gut to the theatre yesterday. If I hadn’t brought this journal Dr Braver probably would not have read about the paper on day-case cholecystectomies. And he would not have discharged the patients that he discharged yesterday evening.

Although I wasn’t officially on call I was involved in sorting out the patients that were readmitted. Three of the patients were readmitted. The registrar on call called me as he was unable to contact Dr Braver. He discussed all the patients. I too tried to contact Dr Braver and left several messages on his answerphone.

The old man with oesophageal perforation was not doing well in the high dependency unit. Like the other patients, I tried unsuccessfully to contact Dr Braver about this patient whose condition had deteriorated. I almost gave up trying to contact him after leaving numerous messages. The time was about two in the night when I got a call from the theatre that Dr Braver wanted me immediately. I almost told the caller that I was not on call, but on second thought, I didn’t as no doubt, Dr Braver knew that I was not on call.

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“Hello Dr Braver,” I said, after knocking at the opened door.

“I am opening up our friend,” he said, without looking at me.

I wasn’t sure who he was referring to as “our friend.” In reality, there were many patients on the ward that he could be referring to. All of them with one complication or another. The old man with perforated oesophagus in the high dependency unit. The elderly patient with perforated colon during colonoscopy; the one that Dr Bigfellow had helped with corrective surgery. The three patients who had been readmitted following discharge for statistical reasons after cholecystectomy. The young lady who had ended up with a colostomy following an exploratory laparotomy. The fourteen-year old boy who had suffered damaged bowel from laparoscopic appendicectomy. The middle aged woman who had had her womb removed when undergoing bowel resection. And the man who suffered clipping of his iliac vein when undergoing laparoscopic hernia repair. So, talking about “opening up our friend” could be any one of these or those that had not been mentioned. I dared not ask which patient he was referring to. I simply nodded and went to change into my theatre gown.

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An Hour Before Her Mastectomy

dbfrontMonica Roberts was about to have a nap when Dr Braver and his team arrived. She had hardly had any sleep and was grateful that at last the sedative tablet had started to have an effect on her.

“Is that the woman for mastectomy?” Dr Braver asked me.

I scratched my head, thinking, that was not the right way to talk to a patient who was waiting to have an operation. Cancer is an emotive condition. And for a thirty-year old woman waiting to have a mastectomy, it was much worse. I thought Dr Braver should have appreciated how difficult it must be for this young woman. And to refer to her as “that woman” made me cringe.

“Yes, that’s Mrs Roberts. She is first on the list for mastectomy.” I replied after recomposing myself.

“What is that you are reading?” Dr Braver asked.

“I got it from the patients’ library,” Monica said, as she handed the hard covered book to him.

“Mastectomy Questions and Answers!” Dr Braver exclaimed, “Now you’ve known everything about mastectomy. What else do you want me to tell you?”

“Well, I’ve not read much of the book. Only the first page or two. Couldn’t relax. Nothing sank in.” Monica explained.

Dr Braver flipped several pages of the book. At first, he seemed to be interested, as he nodded after flipping each page. And then, he closed the book, and as he handed it back to her, he asked, “Have you seen my book?”

“No, I haven’t.” Monica said, shaking her head.

“That will be a better read than all these mushroom books.”

“OK I will get your book, doctor.”

“It’s too late for that now.” He said. And turning to me, he asked, “So what’s the story here?”
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I explained to him that Monica had been diagnosed with a breast cancer and she was on the operation list for mastectomy. She had the option of a partial mastectomy but had decided to have a full mastectomy.

“Nonsense!” Dr Braver exclaimed. “I don’t like mastectomy. I hate to take a woman’s breast.”

Of course there was nothing wrong with his view about mastectomy. But the patient had made an informed choice. I tried to explain to him that it was the patient’s choice and she had the right to determine what was done to her body.

“Rubbish! I am the consultant. No patient dictates to me what operation I should perform.” And turning to Monica, he asked, “Are you a doctor?”

“No.” She replied.

“OK then, I have an idea,” he said. “The woman next door has enough to part with.”

We looked at one another, the sister, the patient and myself. No one knew what he really meant. And he seemed to acknowledge our confusion as he said, “She is down to have a partial mastectomy. And she has more than enough. So I will use part of her breast to replace the one that I remove.”

“What?” Monica asked, now shaking with tears streaming down her cheeks.

We all thought he was joking. but of course, Dr Beaver wouldn’t joke with such things. He meant whatever he said. He never joked. I felt like telling him that he had gone too far.The temperature inside me must be close to boiling point. I could feel my muscle twitching. I looked at the Ward sister hoping that she would say something but her face was blank

Just then, Dr Braver’s pager went off.

“Excuse me,” he said, as he rushed to the nurses’ station to speak to his wife.

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Heaven and Hell Boundary

dbfrontHeaven and Hell Boundary We both set off for the Intensive Care Unit. I took short paces trying not to keep him behind me. Other junior doctors and medical students had waited by the nurses’ station when we arrived. The nurses pretended to be busy doing other things trying to avoid him. “By jove!” Dr Braver shouted as he stood in front of the nurses’ station. “This must be the boundary between hell and heaven.” The doctors looked at each other wondering what was the problem. But no one was bold enough to make any comment. They just simply stood there waiting for his lordship to give instructions. “You know what it’s like at the boundary?” He asked. The doctors looked again at each other, their hearts pounding. “No, Dr Braver,” They answered simultaneously. “Right. Imagine what it will be like there. Trolleys taking the good, the bad and the ugly to the high place. You’re told you’re qualified to go to heaven. You shout or even cry for joy. Or you’re told oh you’ve failed to meet the standards for heaven. And now you’re condemned to hell. You shout, hiss or cry. So, the boundary between heaven and hell is not peaceful. It must be very noisy and chaotic.” No one seemed to understand his philosophical statement. Nevertheless, we laughed to make him feel happy so that the ward round could progress smoothly without any unmanageable event. He smiled wryly and appeared to be having a good time. And he said, “You see, if you look at the event here right now it is exactly what I have just told you. When patients get better they discharge them home or to the ordinary ward. And when they die they’re sent to the mortuary. In order to boost the hardness, and the ability for maintaining a stiffer penile levitra cheapest erection for a longer period of time than other medications. Akarkra offers effective cure for impotency, premature ejaculation and viagra for sale india weakness of nerves. Getting help: While one solution is to take uk cialis sales. One thing they all have in order generic levitra look here common is a white mane and tail. In both cases the trolleys come with their wheels announcing the good or bad news. In both cases people shout and cry for joy or shout or cry for the loss of their relative or friend. Funny, en.” The nurse arrived carrying a heap of case notes. She had been busy updating the patients’ records. And after greeting Dr Braver, she asked if he had had a good holiday. Dr Braver described how he had had a good time with his wife in Hamburg. They stayed in the best hotel and his wife was looking forward to going back there but he was going to take her to Florence next time. He even showed them the cuff links Mrs Braver bought for him from a British jewellery shop in Hamburg. “So how many of these heaven and hell people are mine?” He asked the nurse. The nurse counted the notes and cleared her throat. “Six in total. There were ten before your holiday. We are down to six now. Four have died.” “So which ones have you sent to hell?” Dr Braver asked. “Sent to hell?” The nurse wondered. “Yeah, I mean which of them have failed to make it?” The nurse pulled out a black folder from the drawer and read out the following names: “Frank Trommans, the sixty six year old who had a burst abdomen after laparotomy for pseudo-obstruction.” “Rebecca Andrews, the eighty five year old lady who had oeasophageal perforation during gastroscopy.” “Thomas Graves, the forty two year old that had an anastomotic leakage after bowel resection for Crohn’s disease. “And Angelica Tinker the young girl that bled after laparoscopic appendicectomy.” “They were unfortunate, I was not around. I’m sure I could have done something to save their lives. Anyway, I can’t be expected to be here three sixty five days. I’ve got to go away sometimes and leave other doctors to take care of the patients. And if they cannot bloody look after them that’s their luck.” Just then his pager beeped. We all heaved a sigh of relief. “That’s Jezzie,” he said, like someone who had been woken up by his alarm clock during a nightmare. He raced to use the phone in the side room ignoring the surprise on our faces. PURCHASE FROM AMAZON